This is now turning into something much more constant. Something that can be read and followed without pauses of misunderstanding and boredom. This is now something that brings hope of clear meaning. It has never had clear meaning. Not even to myself. It has always been in the fringes of something tangible, yet jarring. This is a different exercise. I try to hold nothing back, but it's more difficult than assumed. I still have preferences that are based on calculation. Free myself like an animal. Like a dog running for a squirrel. The dog has no plan. Only reaction from instinct. Calculation constrains. It straps me down. It leaves me confused, empty and obsessing for a future that may never come. It confines me to endless thought until there is only regret. Now is good as any. Life doesn't begin at 30, 40, 50, or retirement. Now we dance.
around 1:01 PM