Do your drugs, and sip them with lips. Stick them like a wad of tobacco between your teeth and gums. Then smash your gums hard against your teeth. Now shake and pump your head to the round techno thump. Dancing (movement that accelerates and jolts in sync with the pulse. I guess). It’s another memory worth having, yet places you further from paying car insurance on time. …. fucking hell. Back up and see the “big picture”. Rules and expectations. Who made them anyway? Nobody that danced. That’s for sure.



I love you. I crave your smile, your giddy grin. You being here distracts me. It interrupts me. I am a child around you. You can’t know this. It’s too much pressure. But, I am contented. I love you.

Glaring sun, washed out fields of sunflowers. White swirling with yellow. And, there you are, dancing. Showing off. Silence, except you. Your slow movement in silence. Am I dying slowly? I smile slowly.

We sit, in fog, on a bench. It’s cold. A bench for the bus. You lay your head against my shoulder. I touch your wet hair. Now warmth, soft comfort. Our attempt to connect. Addictive. However, we do not merge. We do not fuse. We remain alone.

You’re standing away now. You’ve become closed. I wonder. I worry. And then I anger. My fear is on the table. Bloody, black, sticky fear. Unattractive fear. Now you see my ugly part. And I’m embarrassed. I’ve hidden it. Until now. You brought out my fear. Why are you standing so far away?

We cannot fuse. We try and try and try and try. We crave it. Is this a waste, or is this an impossible craving? You left me, searching to blend with somebody. I swear it’s impossible. Remember the sunflowers? If that didn’t work, nothing could.